Changes

I have always feared change.  I am a creature of habit...I love my routines.

Lately, my life has been anything but routine.  I have changed so much, and I am finding that I love the new me. 

I am so happy. 

For the past 16 years, I have lived for my family.  They were my everything.  I didn't have many friends, and none were close friends.  I guess you could say I had acquaintances.  These days, I have friends.  Friends who love me for me, and who are helping me so much as I figure out where I am meant to be at this point in my life.  My family has been amazing as well.  I don't know if I would have made it through the past two months without their help and support. 

I am truly blessed.

I have realized that there are people I can depend on, and people I can't. 

I have confidence, and not only because I have lost weight, but because I like who I am now.  On the inside as well as the outside. 

I realized that being a single mom is hard.  Really hard. 

But I can do it.  I am doing it.  Sure, I have to depend on people to help me, and as I said, I am lucky to have people I can depend on. 

My kids are still my life.  I live for them.  I work for them.  I do everything I can for them. 

But I have also learned that I need to do things for myself as well.  I am not to the point where I want to date, but it's nice knowing that I will have that option.  It's nice having friends I can go out to the bar with every once in a while to listen to some music and just hang out. 

I can't believe how much I love driving, and it kills me that I waited almost 40 years to do it.  I can't help but think about how different my life would have turned out if I learned to drive when I was a teenager.  I wonder if it would have made a difference in my marriage?

Probably not.

I am counting down the months until I can get my divorce.  There is, obviously, no chance of a reconciliation, and I want to get on with my life.  I hate that I have to wait a year, but at least it gives me something to look forward to. 

I probably won't be blogging for a while, with the move and all coming up.  I have been slack with it anyway, and the paid offers are few and far between these days.  I guess that's what happens when you stop networking.  My numbers are horrible, and I don't even really care anymore. 

I have more important things going on now...