Thursday, October 29, 2009

Therapy And Weight Loss

I'll tell ya'll about therapy in a sec. First I want to discuss my miraculous weight loss.

I say miraculous because I have no idea how I am still losing weight. Okay, maybe I was clued in a little bit today, and few weeks ago, but still.

Let me explain.

Ever since Junior switched to the 4am work schedule, I have been staying up until 2am every night to get him up and off to work. Then I go to bed, get up at 5:15 to get the kids up and ready for the bus, take them to the bus stop, come back home and try to sleep until about 11:30 on most days. That is what time I set the alarm for, but more times than not, I am up before 10.

A few weeks ago, when we were dealing with all the rental issues, Junior was home for a few days. On those days, he would continuously ask me if I wanted something to eat, and I would say no.

All day.

He asked me if I ever eat, and I told him yeah, I just wasn't hungry that day. Or the few days he was home. Turns out, I was just too busy to eat. When I get up for the day, I get on the computer and do what paid posting I can. This may seem easy to some people, but for me it is difficult sometimes. Not only do i have to do the paid posts, but I have to do interesting posts in between. I will admit that some days, my filler posts suck, but my life is not exciting enough to warrant six posts a day. That is when I talk about television and movies.

Anyway, today Ryan was home from school, and he asked if he could fix me lunch. I told him i wasn't hungry, and that was when it hit me.

On any typical day, I only eat supper.

Then a snack or two while I try to stay up until 2am.

But that's it.

No wonder I am losing weight.

This past month it was only about 3 pounds, I think, bringing my total to 35 pounds lost. Not too bad for not trying. I have clothes that I am wearing that haven't fit in years, so I can definitely tell I'm losing. People have also been commenting on it, which is nice.

Now if I could just lose about 50 more....

Junior and I went to therapy yesterday. We switched days because I was going to apply for that candle job, but that didn't work out. We met with Cindy, and the first thing she did was tell us what happened with Bob.

Poor Bob.

He didn't feel like he did anything unprofessional, and felt ambushed when Cindy spoke to him about things in front of their supervisor. She said he was mad at her for a while, but he got over it, and things are good between them. She then asked if we would mind if she brought in another student...a young girl just starting session. We said we didn't mind, so it should be interesting.

As far as the session went, we just hashed over things we have discussed in the past. There was one point where Junior pissed me off so bad I almost started crying. I don't remember specifically what we were talking about, but it had something to do with how he used to not care about drinking and fighting and crap, but since having kids he knows he can't do that anymore. Cindy asked what he meant, and he said something about the kids needing him, so he knew he couldn't screw up his life anymore. She asked if the kids weren't in the picture, and it was just him and I, would he have changed...and he said no.


He basically said that I wasn't worth staying out of trouble for.

Of course, as soon as he saw me react to that, he said he didn't mean it the way it came out, and that he just meant that he knew I was strong enough to take care of myself, but the kids aren't.


I know deep down he didn't mean it like that, because even before I found out I was pregnant with Ryan, he gave up his old ways, because I told him he had to or his drinking.

But it still hurt that he said it.

We are getting to the point in therapy where we are looking closer at our relationship, and how we are coping with being free of his family. Honestly, we are doing great. Better than ever. We may not agree on a lot of things, but when it comes to his family, I stand behind his decisions.

It was his choice to walk away.

It was his choice to sever ties.

It was his choice to let go.

It is my choice to support him, whether I agree with him or not.

It's his family...his decisions...and I will stand beside him.


Monday, October 19, 2009

Procrastination...Not The Best Way To Go

I waited too long, and the candle shop took down the help wanted sign.


Junior wasn't too happy about me going to work anyway, so in a way I guess it's a good thing. Brandi was furious and cried for hours when she found out I was going to apply, so I guess it's for the best.

It's not that Junior doesn't want me to work...he doesn't hold me hostage here...he is just afraid that the kids will lose their medicaid if I go to work...and we can not afford family coverage through his job. I mean, it's bad enough we don't have insurance...the kids NEED it, especially Ryan. Now I just have to hope that there is a page rank increase on one of my blogs.

Higher rank = more money.

Junior also fears having to deal with homework and supper and showers and all the evening things I would miss if I was working. I have a routine, and it works, but he hates following "orders", so he would do it his own way, and that is where things will go nuts. So for now, I will do my paid posts, and save money where I can.

I touched on this on my other blog, but it is something that is really on my mind right now.


I am trying not to get stressed out, because I know we always find a way to get the kids what they want. It's just that buying for my nieces and nephews is going to be tough. My sisters always spend more on my kids than I do on their kids, and I hate it that this year, I will be lucky to scrape together the money to spend even $5 per kid.

Sad, I know.

Junior is trying to sell some of his fishing rod holders...with my dad's help...and hopefully those will bring in some money. I am trying to see how long we can go without turning on the heat...that right there will save some money.

Even though it is supposed to be in the 30's tonight.

I think it's time to pull on the fuzzy socks.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Tough Decision

I think I mentioned, a few weeks back, that we lost our therapist at therapy. We ended up with a very nice woman, and a man(Bob), who junior was never really comfortable with.

Over the weeks, Junior never really warmed up to Bob. I was willing to give him a chance, but there were things he has said that kind of made me a little uncomfortable. For instance, a few sessions back, as we were wrapping up the hour, Bob said that he was going through a similar situation with his son that Junior is going through with his dad.

Weird. I didn't think the therapists were supposed to share so much about their personal lives. When Junior and I left, we began wondering what he meant. Was he acting like Junior's dad, and being toxic towards his son? Was his son treating him like Junior's dad does him? I was unsettled thinking about it, and told Junior that given the chance, I was going to ask Bob what he meant.

Next session, Bob starts telling us about his car problems. For 30 minutes of our 50 minute session, Cindy (our female therapist) and I just stared off into space while Bob and Junior talked cars. Cindy tried several times to steer the conversation back to Junior's issues, but Bob always ends up talking about himself.

At the end of every session, Cindy always asks if there is anything else we want to say before we end for the week, and I asked Bob about his comment the session before. He started saying how his son is a deadbeat, and can't keep a job, and how his wife is a drug addict, and they are raising his child...and then he pulled out his wallet and started showing us pictures.

Now, his situation is NOTHING like what junior is going through, and I found it extremely unprofessional that he shared so much about himself, and PICTURES! When we left, Junior and I both thought that maybe we should say something to Nancy next time we saw her.

This brings us to today.

Cindy came into the waiting room, and asked if it would be okay if we started our session with Bob because she had to take an emergency phone call, and she would join us in a few minutes. What could we say? So off we go with Bob, and he starts by asking how our last two weeks have been.

Fine. No stress with Junior's family, which has been nice. Then Junior brings up the incident with Ryan getting pushed at school. I won't go into all the details, but Bob ended up telling us how when he was a kid, he was fat, and the kids picked on him, so one day he turned around and punched a kid in the face and then sat on him. This was supposed to make us see that Ryan shouldn't fight back.

Okay, first off, Junior brought up the incident because we disagreed on how Junior handled the situation with the vice principal. I thought what he said to Ryan in front of her was inappropriate, and should have been discussed in private. We were not looking for advice on how to raise our son, and we certainly didn't need to know about Bob's childhood. Again, I found it a little strange that instead of counseling us, he was comparing us to him. That's not what therapists do.

When Cindy walked into the room a few minutes later, she tried to pick up on what we were talking about, but she couldn't follow. So while explaining, it to her, Bob made a comment about Junior being to old and ugly to live like he used to.


That was kind of the last straw. I knew Junior was upset, and I think Bob did too, because a few minutes later, he excused himself from the room. Cindy asked if we would excuse her, too, because she had something to tell Bob.

As soon as they were out of the room, Junior looked at me, and was furious. There were other things Bob said that upset Junior, but I don't want to say here because I still think some of his family are being sneaky and reading this. He started to say something when Cindy came back in, and totally shocked us by what she said.

She started by saying that she had too many clients, and that she was trying to find a few who wouldn't mind switching therapist. She asked us if we would like for Bob to become our only therapist, since he has been sitting in on our sessions, and knew us.

Um, no. She said okay, that she would continue to be our therapist.

Then we asked her if Bob could not meet with us anymore.

She asked why, so we told her everything I just told you guys, plus some.

The funny thing was, she said that she had also picked up on everything we said, but she thought it was just her. She said she would bring it up to their supervisor so that he could talk to Bob privately, and let him know what he needs to improve upon.

I feel really bed, because I know these therapists are students, and that they are learning. I don't want to hurt Bob's feelings, but I also want Junior to be comfortable with his therapist, or he will not want to go.

I believe he still needs to go. He is doing wonderfully, and I want him to continue down that path. I think talking to the therapist helps him to deal with things.

So for now, we will continue to see only Cindy. I also asked that she switch our session from Thursday to Wednesday, so that if I decide to apply for that candle job, I can be available on Thursdays.

See what happens when I wait so long to post over here? I have too much to say! lol!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I Need To Do This More Often

I keep forgetting to update this blog. It's not my main blog, and it gets little traffic, and I mostly use it to write about myself, and since nothing exciting ever happens in my life, I don't write much here.

What have I been up to? Let's see...I still haven't started packing, even though I have 20 or so boxes ready and waiting to be filled. I am hoping to get motivated this weekend, when the kids are home to help. I especially want to do Ryan's room, because his party is next friday, and I want the kids to be able to go in there and not get lost. Yes, it is that messy.

Speaking of Ryan's party...I am still trying to figure out the menu. I want to do chips and finger foods, and I have a few I do every year, but I want something different. I need to look around online to see what I can find. I just need to find the time to do it. My mom called last night, making sure I wanted her to do the cake. She won't tell me what she has planned, but I am sure it will be amazing. I am going to make a few little pumpkin cakes using the pan I bought, too, just to make sure there is enough.

I need to get a grocery list together, too. Our first month back on food stamps kicks in on Saturday, so we are going to get all the party food, and the basic staples we have been doing without. Plus, Food Lion is having an awesome sale on chicken strips, and I use those all the time. Even when I but boneless skinless breasts, I always chop them down into strips. Anyway, I want to stock up on those while they are on sale.

I am still looking for work. I am debating walking down to a candle store that is literally a minutes walk from the end of my driveway. They are looking for part time work, and my friend went in to see if she could get the job, but she wasn't available the hours they are looking for. They need someone to work Thursday and Friday, from 10 until 6. They only pay minimum wage, which really doesn't make it worth it. Plus, I need the 16 and 30th of october free, and those are both Fridays. Maybe if the sign is still up in November, I will go look into it more.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

A Mish Mash Of My Day

Junior took today off to deal with some landlord issues...I am so ready to move! we went out and had breakfast at Hardee's. We haven't done this since he started morning shift at work, and it was nice to sit with him, without kids, and have an adult conversation. Not ADULT adult, but just a normal conversation where we talked about Christmas and moving, without little ears around. The one big drawback about our little duplex is that even when the kids are in another room, they can still hear every word we say.

We also went and looked at storage buildings...I wrote about that on my other blog...and when we got home Missy called. We decided to meet up for supper, and I gotta tell you, I had a really good time. This surprised me, because I was on the verge of a panic attack, because the restaurant was sooo busy. But once we were seated, I was okay. I don't know when I got so crazy, either. Those things never used to bother me. Missy's mom came too, and I really enjoy spending time with her, too. If you read Missy's blog, you know how great her sense of humor is. Well, she gets it from her mom, and the two of them together is hysterical. We are all going to go trick or treating together, and I am really looking forward to it!

Junior and I also went to therapy today. It was a good session, where we basically discussed how much improvement Junior has shown in the past year, and deciding what we still have to work on to get him where he needs to be. I think he is well on his way, and his therapist(s) agree. I am so proud of him.

I was proud of myself the other day when we went to Burger King with Brandi, and I was able to sit in a booth. I may have mentioned this before, I don't remember, but I never used to be able to fit in the booths at fast food places. It's nice that I can now.

I guess that's about it. Have a great night!