A Tiring Session

I hate getting upset in therapy.  I hate getting upset, period.  I am always exhausted after a good crying session, and right now I can barely keep my eyes open.  The good thing is, Bob and I worked on some stuff that has been bothering me, and we are in a better place now, I think.

Bob is going to see our family doctor soon to be tested for diabetes.  Our therapist is concerned about it, so we agreed to have him tested.  She thinks that could be contributing to his sleeplessness and emotional state.  Part of me is hoping she is right, because if she is, we can control it. 

I am trying so hard to be supportive, because I know he is going through a hard time.  I hate that some days I just want him to be happy.  I just want him to not mope around.  I want him to laugh.  Or smile.  Or something other than the depression.  Some days, I don't want to have to watch every word that comes out of my mouth because I am afraid of upsetting him more. 

It's hard watching the one you love hurt, but it's also exhausting.  It's tough always being the strong one.

Therapy

Today, our therapist learned that Junior and I are not perfect, and that we fight just like everyone else.  probably not as often as most couples, but when I get pissed off, well, I get PISSED OFF.  I don't want to go into details, because, well, it's really not that big of a deal.  Let's just say that Junior did something that really hurt my feelings, and I was not talking to him.  So we go into therapy today, and Elizabeth (our therapist) asks me how I feel about something, and I told her that I was mad at Junior and not speaking to him, so I was not the best person to ask questions to.  This, of course, led to questions about why I was mad at him, and it ended with me in tears, throwing tissues at my husband.  Of course, things are fine now, and talking helped Junior to see why I was so upset with him.  That's one of the best things about therapy...we talk, we resolve things, and we move on.  I think that is one of the biggest things I love about my marriage...we don't hold grudges, and we never get nasty with each other.  There is never name calling, or things said that we later wish we could take back.

Other than that, therapy was fine.  I gave Elizabeth the plant and she loved it.  Actually, Brandi gave it to her.  And speaking of Brandi, my kid is so smart.  I mean, seriously smart.  I had a conference with her teacher yesterday, and she went over some test scores with me that blew me away.  They do MAP testing, and for 3rd graders, they should score a 192 in math and reading, and a 193 in language.  Brandi scored a 213 in reading and language, and a 215 in math.  Her teacher said these are 5/6th grade scores.  I was blown away.  I always knew she was smarter than kids her age, but I didn't think she was that far advanced.  I worry now that she will get bored in school.  Hopefully, the advanced classes she is in will keep her challenged.

Okay, so this blog is not supposed to be about the kids.  It's supposed to be about me.  But, I guess a big part of who I am is a mom.  And I love it.

Nine Days Later...

Things have gotten better since my last post.  Thank you so much for all your loving and supportive comments.  It is amazing that I have such wonderful friends who I have never even met.  You guys have no idea how much I appreciate you all.  I seriously love you guys!

As far as I know, my FIL is doing okay.  We actually met with Junior's sister to talk things over, and it seems that he will be unable to get to Junior's work from here on out. That is a wonderful thing.  My husband has breathed a huge sigh of relief, and can now relax at work. 

We went to therapy today, and it was a pretty weird hour.  We started the session talking about the past two weeks, and then ended up talking about my issues with driving and fishing.  It was funny, because we have been seeing Elizabeth for a while now, and today was the first time we touched on my craziness.  I warned her that I have some seriously weird issues, but I don't think she believed me.

For instance, my biggest fear about driving is that I will get into an accident and hurt my kids.  I would NEVER be able to live with myself if that happens, so I don't drive. Weird, yes.  Irrational, absolutely.  But it is what it is.

I also have a hard time letting my kids go places with people who aren't family, because let's face it.  If something terrible was to happen, and that person had to chose between saving my kids life or their own kids life, you know as well as I do that they would chose their own kid.  I would, too. Another weird fear, yup.  Totally irrational, abso-freakin'-lutely.

These are just two of my irrational crazy things.  Trust me, there are many more.  I am insane when it comes to my kids, and I know it.  The good news is that they don't know that I think these things.  I would hate for them to be aware of my issues.

Anyway, we left today's session in a good place mentally and emotionally.  Hopefully we can look forward to two more stress free weeks.  At least that's what I'm hoping for.

It's Been An Emotionally Rough Week

My father-in-law had a stroke a couple of weeks ago.  Apparently, he is having a hard time recovering from this one (he has had several in recent years).  I pray every night for him to get better, but in my heart, I really don't care if he does. 

I'm a horrible person, I know.  It's just that something happened last weekend, and I am having a hard time with it.  I have known for a while how Junior feels about his dad.  What I didn't know was how my son feels about him.  I mean, Junior and I have been in therapy for two years now dealing with his anger towards his dad, and it never occurred to me that the kids might have some anger towards him, too. 

This completely broke my heart.  For the first time, I broke down in therapy.  I can not stand to see so much hate and anger in my son.  He's 14, and shouldn't have to be this way.  Now, before I get the comments about how we've filled his head with negative thoughts, let me assure you.  That's not how it is.  Ryan is angry about how Junior is always on edge about his dad.  He's angry that his dad is hurting.  Know what I'm saying?  Our therapist recommended that Ryan come in for a session, or even start seeing a therapist of his own. 

How did this happen?  How did I not see that Ryan was so angry?  Why are these people still having an impact on my family two years after we broke ties?  My kids are so close to my mom, so they know how a grandparent is supposed to act.  It never occurred to me that they might be missing that with their other grandparents.  We assumed that our decision to walk away was the best thing for our family, but we never asked the kids how they felt about it.  Their answers wouldn't have changed our minds, but we might have gone about it differently.  Am I even making sense? 

There are other things going on, too, but I'm not going to torture you with all the details.  Let's just say that I have cried more in the last week than I have in the last year.  I have had my "woe is me" moments, and I have also realized something pretty important.

Are you ready?  I eat when I'm upset.  You're shocked, right?  I realized this when in therapy, after my meltdown, I looked at Junior and told him I needed ice cream.  In fact, I told him I needed a chocolate peanut butter milk shake from Sonic.  And you know what?  It made me feel better.

Analyze that! lol!

My Journey, Huh?

Well, lately my journey sucks.  I am having too much fun spending time with my family to worry about things like eating right and exercising.  But. most of my time has been spent swimming, which is supposed to be great exercise.  And since we are in the pool so much, I am not snacking.  Which is awesome.  Except at night.  I have no willpower at night.  Seriously.  I can go all day without eating, but once the sun goes down, I can eat everything in sight.  I don't.  But I could.

I haven't lost any weight, and am still up a couple of pounds.  I am okay with that, though, because I am staying pretty steady, which for me is a big deal.  I mean, it's been a year since I lost a big hunk of weight, and I have kept it off.  For a freakin' year!  I have never done that before.  Sure, I want to lose more.  But right now I am going to be happy with maintaining. 

The kids go back to school two weeks from today.  I can not believe the Summer has gone by so quickly.  I am looking forward to getting back into our daily routine, though.  I love this quiet time at night, when I am the only one awake.  It's so peaceful.  I tried doing bedtimes tonight, to get them back into the swing of things.  Brandi finally fell asleep around 11, even though I had her in bed at 9.  We watched Huge together, so she really went down at 10, but I am hoping to have her back to regular bedtime by next week.  Last year, she went to bed at 7:30, but was allowed to watch 30 minutes of TV before going to sleep.  She usually fell asleep before 8.  This year, she wants to stay up until 9.  I am not sure how she will do with that, since we get up at 5:30am.  That's only 8 1/2 hours sleep, and I prefer she get closer to 10.  But, I guess we'll try it out and see.  Ryan is almost 15, and wants to stay up later, too.  last year he went to bed at 10, and I still think that is late enough.

Seriously, why am I rambling on about my kids bedtimes?  Like ya'll really care about all that.  And this blog is supposed to be about me, not my kids.  I have other blogs for that.

We have therapy tomorrow.  We haven't been for a month...I was sick last session and Junior refused to go without me, even though this is his therapy, and I am only there for support.  It's funny...last time we saw our therapist, we were talking about going more frequently.  Oh well.

I guess that's about it.  If you made it this far, well, thanks for reading.  I know I ramble sometimes.  That's just how my mind works.

We Went To Therapy

I was pretty excited to see what our therapists would say this week about our last session, since it was with the kids.  Turns out, we didn't really get to talk much about it.  One of them did say that if she had to sum up our family with one word, it would be funny.  (are you really surprised?)  She also said that Brandi is most definitely a mommy's girl, and Kasi is more of a daddy's girl.  She didn't know which Ryan preferred, because he picked on both of us evenly. 

We spent most of the session talking about things I am not comfortable sharing here, mostly because it concerns Junior.  I mean, these are his therapy sessions, and there are some things that he doesn't want me to share.  I'm just going to say that talking about it helped, and we are taking steps in the right direction.  Sounds kind of mysterious, doesn't it?

We also discussed going every week again for a little while, so we might go back next Tuesday.  It really all depends on if Junior can get a doctor's appointment before then, otherwise he needs to go to the clinic Tuesday, which means no therapy.  He is finally going to go have another sleep study done so they can recalibrate his bi-pap machine, because he hasn't been sleeping well.  We are hoping the clinic will send him, and Tuesdays are the only time you can go in and talk to the receptionist about getting an appointment, and it usually means waiting around for an hour or two.  So, if we don't hear from them before Tuesday, that's where Junior will be.  Our therapist is sending them a referral, so we are hoping they will call before then.

Am I rambling a little?  Sorry.

You know I do that from time to time.

Family Therapy

Yesterday the kids joined Junior and I for a therapy session.  We played a game called "The Ungame", and it was pretty fun.  Basically, landing on different spaces has us doing different things, like answering questions from cards or making up our own questions to ask each other.  The kids were nice, mostly, when they answered about me, and sarcastic when answering questions about Junior.  I think I came off as the one who tries to keep the kids in line, while Junior just egged them on.  I am very interested to see what our therapists are going to say about us when we have a regular session in two weeks.

My last post was about what my Grandmother said to me, and I have been thinking about that quite a bit.  Not what she said so much, but how I reacted to it.  (oh, and I know I put giggle instead of jiggle...I just realized that re-reading the post...I need to fix that!)  In the past, a comment like that would have crushed me.  I would have probably cried about it, and then spent the rest of the day (or week) miserable, because I probably wouldn't have put on a bathing suit in front of her.

This new me, though?  I let it slide right off my back.  I got up from the table, put on my suit, and jumped into the pool.  I know, now, how much I have changed in the past year.  I don't think I really realized it before then.  I have a little bit of confidence now, and it feels great! 

A Twist

It's been almost two years since Junior started therapy.  Most of you who read this know the back story, so I am not going to repeat it all.  The reasons he started and the reasons he's still going have changed, and it's become more about us as a family, and not so much about the stuff that started this.  Am I being cryptic?  I don't mean to be.  Let me try this again.

The focus of therapy has changed from dealing with the hurt and anger to coping with it.  Does that make sense?  In our sessions, we talk more about what we do as a family ( meaning me, Junior, and the kids) and less about how other family members (his dad, mother, and brother) influence our lives, because it has been so long since we have seen any of them, they no longer effect (or affect, I never know which to use) Junior's day to day life.  Sure, he is still dealing with his past, and all that other stuff, but we also talk about how he acts towards our kids and me. 

So yesterday, Elizabeth, who is our therapist, and Myra, the therapist who has sat in for the last two sessions, came into the waiting room to call us back.  They noticed that we had all the kids with us (we were going straight to my mom's house from there) and got very excited.  They wanted the kids to join us for a session.  I think that kind of freaked Junior out a bit, but we agreed.  Unfortunately, the family room was unavailable, and the room we were in was too small for all of us.  But, for next session, Elizabeth booked the family room, and we are all going to play some kind of game. 

It should be interesting.  I already told the kids, and I made sure they know that they can answer any question however they want, being completely honest.  I am terrified thinking about what will come out of their mouths, but it should be fun.

Gulp.

Six Weeks Later...

We finally made it back to therapy yesterday. Things went well...they dug a little deeper, and brought up some things Junior doesn't like to talk about, and call it progress. I guess in a way it is, but I hate seeing him so upset.

I say they because we have a new therapist, again. When we were turned over to Cindy way back when, she said she would only be with us until December. Yesterday she brought in a new student, Elizabeth, who will be taking us over. I like her...Junior isn't too sure yet. She's young, and seems to have a different approach to things, and I think that is what is helping Junior the most. Every new therapist has a different way of bringing things out of him, and if yesterday was any indication of what the next six months will hold, I think we are finally heading towards "revelation".

It's weird, but every therapist praises us on our relationship, which to me is just normal. It's just us. It's nothing out of the ordinary. It's just us supporting each other, no matter what.

I guess in this day and age that is a rare thing to find.

And that is pretty sad.

Therapy, Moving Mom, and Swimming

Therapy Wednesday...the first time in six weeks.

The funny thing is, nothing has happened that is worth talking about.

And that is a really good thing. The only bad thing is that Junior sees this as a reason to quit going. I think that's a bad idea. I know nothing has happened lately, but he still hasn't gotten to the bottom of all his issues, and I think he needs to before he stops.

Besides, I am sure it is only a matter of time before his dad shows back up at his work. Just today Ryan was outside with him, and they saw his dad drive by our house really slow, checking things out. He thinks he's slick because he bought a new vehicle. What he forgets is that my kids bus goes by his house every day, and they are not stupid kids. They told Junior the day the new van showed up. I really don't care, but this bothers Junior that he is driving by again.

I personally think the man needs to get a life. He should be focusing on the two kids who still speak to him, and leave us the hell alone.

Just my opinion.

Anyway, I can not believe Christmas is only three weeks away. Talk about stress! Junior gets paid next week, and we have to shop for all the kids out of that. I am hoping to put off a few bills, but there are some that need to be paid. I have accepted the fact that the kids will be disappointed, but I know my mom is getting them the big things they asked for, so I know they will be happy about that. Somehow Brandi talked her into getting her a hamster, which we all know will become my responsibility. It's a good thing I have experience in this area.

My mom is moving this weekend, which should be fun. It looks like it will be my brother, Ryan and I doing all the work. Colleen can't help because she had surgery recently, and isn't fully healed. Junior has a transmission he already agreed to fix for a coworkers daughter, and Mike has to work. But, I am sure we will get it all done, and mom can start settling in to her new place. Did I mention it has an in ground pool? I will be over there all the time this summer. I love swimming, and it's been a long time since I have been in a "real" pool. Now to focus on losing some weight before wearing a bathing suit in public.

I guess that's about all for this rambling session. I know I keep promising to do better over here, but it's hard. For a stay at home mom I am so busy these days. I have a hard time finding the time to do anything. Hopefully once the new year is here, I can slow down a little.

Maybe then I won't have so many migraines.

Neglected, Once Again

I don't know why I forget to write over here.

Life has been busy lately. I have a feeling it's just going to get busier with the upcoming holidays. Over the weekend, Brandi put up the Christmas decorations around the house. She did a pretty good job, too. We still have to put up the tree, and for the first time in a really long time, I am not looking forward to it. I think it's because I hate where we live, and it's hard to be festive when the paint is peeling off the ceilings and you are constantly removing slugs from the kitchen floor.

But, this weekend, we will put it up, and it will be beautiful. Brandi's birthday is next Friday, Kasi has several chorus concerts coming up, we still haven't really Christmas shopped for the kids, I have baking to do for tomorrow and Thursday...I am just completely overwhelmed, but in a good way. The busier I am, the faster the next three months will go, and the faster we will get out of this hell hole.

Deep breath.

I have been doing good. I got to see New Moon last Friday with Missy, and we had a blast. the movie was awesome, and I spent the day with no kids, which NEVER happens. It was wonderful. I am still holding steady at 35 pounds lost, and am hoping to make it through the holidays without weight gain. I really want to lose some more weight, and know that I will have to work for it. Losing what I have because of stress was not healthy, and I want to do this the right way. I am still feeling good about myself, which is new for me.

Junior and I missed last therapy session, and will have to cancel this Wednesday, too. Kasi has to go back to the dermatologist to get her stitches out, and hopefully the toxicology report will be back so we can find out what she has growing back there. The ointment that I have been rubbing in twice a day seems to be helping, but she still has a ways to go before it is all gone. I miss talking to Cindy, and we were supposed to have that new therapist sit in, too. Hopefully we can schedule something for next week instead of having to wait for another two.

Things have been quiet around here...no drama, which is wonderful. The kids are happy, Junior and I are great, as always. It's so nice to not have any negativity in our lives. It really does make a difference when you surround yourself with people who lift you up, instead of people who constantly tear you down.

On that note, I am going to finish cooking my pancakes in cafe world.

Slowdown...Who, Me?

I love being at home. I love days when I do not have to get out of my "comfy" clothes. It seems like the past couple of weeks, I have been "going" more than I have been "staying".

It started when my sister had the baby the day before Halloween, and it hasn't stopped yet. Friday was Ryan's birthday, so we went out to dinner. (for the kids birthdays, they get to pick the restaurant) We invited Missy and her gang to join us, and as usual, we had a blast! I didn't even realize we were in the restaurant for over 2 hours! Of course, it was Golden Corral, so between laughs and babies, we were all shoving our faces. It was sooo good, and of course I left with a tummy ache. In fact, i think we all did! lol! Juior's ex-mother-in-law also met us there, and I think she had a good time, too.

Then yesterday, it was up early to get ready for my niece's 3rd birthday party. They live about an hour away, and of course I wanted to go see Lylah first. The party was fun for Brandi...it was a princess party, and all the little girls dressed in princess dresses. They all looked adorable! We didn't stay long after...my mom has a hard time driving that far in the dark...and headed for a little more time with Collen, Carson, and Lylah. After a yummy dinner of Chinese food, we all hung out for a little while, and then I came home and took some cold/allergy medicine and crashed in bed by 9:30.

As soon as I got up this morning, we went fishing for a bit...no bits so we came back home and just chilled. I had a little ache in my back yesterday that turned into severe pain today every time I move, so I have been keeping the heating pad on it. My mom says to ice it, but it's hard to get the ice exactly where I need it.

The next three days are going to be a little busy, too. Tomorrow we have to pick Kasi up from school for a doctor's appointment. I love my doctors...we have been using them for about 10 years now. But, the latest appointment of the day is 4pm, and Kasi gets off the bus later than that every day, so we have to go pick her up early so she can make her 2:30 appointment. I am taking her for her rash, and am hoping we won't need to make a trip to the dermatologist.

Tuesday is the 10th...food shopping day! Then Brandi is in a Veterans Day program at her school. Don't worry...there will be TONS of pictures taken...maybe even a little video, if Ryan can find his video camera.

Wednesday is therapy. That means it will be at least Thursday before I can be lazy all day. Hopefully I can make some money from some posts this week between the craziness...Christmas is coming, and I have presents to buy! lol!

Therapy And Weight Loss

I'll tell ya'll about therapy in a sec. First I want to discuss my miraculous weight loss.

I say miraculous because I have no idea how I am still losing weight. Okay, maybe I was clued in a little bit today, and few weeks ago, but still.

Let me explain.

Ever since Junior switched to the 4am work schedule, I have been staying up until 2am every night to get him up and off to work. Then I go to bed, get up at 5:15 to get the kids up and ready for the bus, take them to the bus stop, come back home and try to sleep until about 11:30 on most days. That is what time I set the alarm for, but more times than not, I am up before 10.

A few weeks ago, when we were dealing with all the rental issues, Junior was home for a few days. On those days, he would continuously ask me if I wanted something to eat, and I would say no.

All day.

He asked me if I ever eat, and I told him yeah, I just wasn't hungry that day. Or the few days he was home. Turns out, I was just too busy to eat. When I get up for the day, I get on the computer and do what paid posting I can. This may seem easy to some people, but for me it is difficult sometimes. Not only do i have to do the paid posts, but I have to do interesting posts in between. I will admit that some days, my filler posts suck, but my life is not exciting enough to warrant six posts a day. That is when I talk about television and movies.

Anyway, today Ryan was home from school, and he asked if he could fix me lunch. I told him i wasn't hungry, and that was when it hit me.

On any typical day, I only eat supper.

Then a snack or two while I try to stay up until 2am.

But that's it.

No wonder I am losing weight.

This past month it was only about 3 pounds, I think, bringing my total to 35 pounds lost. Not too bad for not trying. I have clothes that I am wearing that haven't fit in years, so I can definitely tell I'm losing. People have also been commenting on it, which is nice.

Now if I could just lose about 50 more....

Junior and I went to therapy yesterday. We switched days because I was going to apply for that candle job, but that didn't work out. We met with Cindy, and the first thing she did was tell us what happened with Bob.

Poor Bob.

He didn't feel like he did anything unprofessional, and felt ambushed when Cindy spoke to him about things in front of their supervisor. She said he was mad at her for a while, but he got over it, and things are good between them. She then asked if we would mind if she brought in another student...a young girl just starting out...next session. We said we didn't mind, so it should be interesting.

As far as the session went, we just hashed over things we have discussed in the past. There was one point where Junior pissed me off so bad I almost started crying. I don't remember specifically what we were talking about, but it had something to do with how he used to not care about drinking and fighting and crap, but since having kids he knows he can't do that anymore. Cindy asked what he meant, and he said something about the kids needing him, so he knew he couldn't screw up his life anymore. She asked if the kids weren't in the picture, and it was just him and I, would he have changed...and he said no.

WTF?

He basically said that I wasn't worth staying out of trouble for.

Of course, as soon as he saw me react to that, he said he didn't mean it the way it came out, and that he just meant that he knew I was strong enough to take care of myself, but the kids aren't.

Whatever.

I know deep down he didn't mean it like that, because even before I found out I was pregnant with Ryan, he gave up his old ways, because I told him he had to choose...me or his drinking.

But it still hurt that he said it.

We are getting to the point in therapy where we are looking closer at our relationship, and how we are coping with being free of his family. Honestly, we are doing great. Better than ever. We may not agree on a lot of things, but when it comes to his family, I stand behind his decisions.

It was his choice to walk away.

It was his choice to sever ties.

It was his choice to let go.

It is my choice to support him, whether I agree with him or not.

It's his family...his decisions...and I will stand beside him.

Always.

A Tough Decision

I think I mentioned, a few weeks back, that we lost our therapist at therapy. We ended up with a very nice woman, and a man(Bob), who junior was never really comfortable with.

Over the weeks, Junior never really warmed up to Bob. I was willing to give him a chance, but there were things he has said that kind of made me a little uncomfortable. For instance, a few sessions back, as we were wrapping up the hour, Bob said that he was going through a similar situation with his son that Junior is going through with his dad.

Weird. I didn't think the therapists were supposed to share so much about their personal lives. When Junior and I left, we began wondering what he meant. Was he acting like Junior's dad, and being toxic towards his son? Was his son treating him like Junior's dad does him? I was unsettled thinking about it, and told Junior that given the chance, I was going to ask Bob what he meant.

Next session, Bob starts telling us about his car problems. For 30 minutes of our 50 minute session, Cindy (our female therapist) and I just stared off into space while Bob and Junior talked cars. Cindy tried several times to steer the conversation back to Junior's issues, but Bob always ends up talking about himself.

At the end of every session, Cindy always asks if there is anything else we want to say before we end for the week, and I asked Bob about his comment the session before. He started saying how his son is a deadbeat, and can't keep a job, and how his wife is a drug addict, and they are raising his child...and then he pulled out his wallet and started showing us pictures.

Now, his situation is NOTHING like what junior is going through, and I found it extremely unprofessional that he shared so much about himself, and PICTURES! When we left, Junior and I both thought that maybe we should say something to Nancy next time we saw her.

This brings us to today.

Cindy came into the waiting room, and asked if it would be okay if we started our session with Bob because she had to take an emergency phone call, and she would join us in a few minutes. What could we say? So off we go with Bob, and he starts by asking how our last two weeks have been.

Fine. No stress with Junior's family, which has been nice. Then Junior brings up the incident with Ryan getting pushed at school. I won't go into all the details, but Bob ended up telling us how when he was a kid, he was fat, and the kids picked on him, so one day he turned around and punched a kid in the face and then sat on him. This was supposed to make us see that Ryan shouldn't fight back.

Okay, first off, Junior brought up the incident because we disagreed on how Junior handled the situation with the vice principal. I thought what he said to Ryan in front of her was inappropriate, and should have been discussed in private. We were not looking for advice on how to raise our son, and we certainly didn't need to know about Bob's childhood. Again, I found it a little strange that instead of counseling us, he was comparing us to him. That's not what therapists do.

When Cindy walked into the room a few minutes later, she tried to pick up on what we were talking about, but she couldn't follow. So while explaining, it to her, Bob made a comment about Junior being to old and ugly to live like he used to.

WTF?

That was kind of the last straw. I knew Junior was upset, and I think Bob did too, because a few minutes later, he excused himself from the room. Cindy asked if we would excuse her, too, because she had something to tell Bob.

As soon as they were out of the room, Junior looked at me, and was furious. There were other things Bob said that upset Junior, but I don't want to say here because I still think some of his family are being sneaky and reading this. He started to say something when Cindy came back in, and totally shocked us by what she said.

She started by saying that she had too many clients, and that she was trying to find a few who wouldn't mind switching therapist. She asked us if we would like for Bob to become our only therapist, since he has been sitting in on our sessions, and knew us.

Um, no. She said okay, that she would continue to be our therapist.

Then we asked her if Bob could not meet with us anymore.

She asked why, so we told her everything I just told you guys, plus some.

The funny thing was, she said that she had also picked up on everything we said, but she thought it was just her. She said she would bring it up to their supervisor so that he could talk to Bob privately, and let him know what he needs to improve upon.

I feel really bed, because I know these therapists are students, and that they are learning. I don't want to hurt Bob's feelings, but I also want Junior to be comfortable with his therapist, or he will not want to go.

I believe he still needs to go. He is doing wonderfully, and I want him to continue down that path. I think talking to the therapist helps him to deal with things.

So for now, we will continue to see only Cindy. I also asked that she switch our session from Thursday to Wednesday, so that if I decide to apply for that candle job, I can be available on Thursdays.

See what happens when I wait so long to post over here? I have too much to say! lol!

A Mish Mash Of My Day

Junior took today off to deal with some landlord issues...I am so ready to move!...so we went out and had breakfast at Hardee's. We haven't done this since he started morning shift at work, and it was nice to sit with him, without kids, and have an adult conversation. Not ADULT adult, but just a normal conversation where we talked about Christmas and moving, without little ears around. The one big drawback about our little duplex is that even when the kids are in another room, they can still hear every word we say.

We also went and looked at storage buildings...I wrote about that on my other blog...and when we got home Missy called. We decided to meet up for supper, and I gotta tell you, I had a really good time. This surprised me, because I was on the verge of a panic attack, because the restaurant was sooo busy. But once we were seated, I was okay. I don't know when I got so crazy, either. Those things never used to bother me. Missy's mom came too, and I really enjoy spending time with her, too. If you read Missy's blog, you know how great her sense of humor is. Well, she gets it from her mom, and the two of them together is hysterical. We are all going to go trick or treating together, and I am really looking forward to it!

Junior and I also went to therapy today. It was a good session, where we basically discussed how much improvement Junior has shown in the past year, and deciding what we still have to work on to get him where he needs to be. I think he is well on his way, and his therapist(s) agree. I am so proud of him.

I was proud of myself the other day when we went to Burger King with Brandi, and I was able to sit in a booth. I may have mentioned this before, I don't remember, but I never used to be able to fit in the booths at fast food places. It's nice that I can now.

I guess that's about it. Have a great night!

Therapy On Thursday

We went to therapy today. It's the first time we have been with the new therapists.

Did you catch that?

I said therapists. We have two.

One is the lady we met last session, whose name is Cindy. And then we have a man, whose name I can not remember. We spent the hour going over the past year, and filling these two therapists in on Junior's issues with his family. Not a productive hour, but it allowed the therapists to get an idea of the things Junior has been through. I know it is hard for him to talk about some of those things, so he wasn't in a very good place when we left. But, we stopped for the last of our free shakes from Zaxby's on the way home, and chocolate always helps when you're feeling blue.

Junior still isn't sure how he feels about the therapists. I like Cindy, but I'm not sure about the man. He seemed kind of, oh, I don't know what word I am looking for. Maybe it's just me, because I feel more comfortable with a woman. I don't know. Hopefully next session will be a little more comfortable for everyone.

My mom came over for supper tonight. She didn't stay too long, but we enjoyed having her eat with us. I just served the second tray of chicken pot pie I made yesterday with some mac and cheese. I am on this cooking kick lately. Maybe it's the fact that we have limited funds right now, and I have no choice but to be creative with what I make.

I lost another pound...I'm down 26! Yay! I haven't told Junior, and he hasn't noticed, which kind of sucks, but I guess because he sees me every day it's hard for him to tell. He is also losing weight...I think he is down 12 pounds...and I don't want to discourage him by losing more. I know it usually pisses me off when he loses more than me. So for now, I will keep quiet, and try and lose more.

I have a busy weekend ahead...plans with Missy to go "parking lot shopping" on Saturday morning. From what I understand, this particular grocery store puts all it's "almost out of date" food in the parking lot, and you pay $7 to fill a box with whatever you can. When I called for the details yesterday, they said it's a kind of free for all, and that everyone goes at the same time, so it's a mad house. Sounds like fun, right? LOL! I am really looking forward to it. They also said to bring a partner, so Ryan and I will work together. This is at 9am. Then I am going with my mom to Rock Hill for a birthday party at 1. Ryan is staying with Junior, and I will take the girls with me.

Monday we are planning a trip to the zoo. It's been a while since we have been to this zoo, so I am looking forward to it. Plus, I get to see elephants, and you all know how much I love that!

Thoughts

We met with the new therapist today. Kelsey was there too, but this was our last session with her. I don't know what I think about the new lady. While Kelsey was young and quick to laugh, the new therapist is a little older, and more....um....mothering, maybe is a good word. She is soft spoken, yet animated, and when she speaks it feels like she is hugging you. Is she a good fit for us? I'm not sure. Junior doesn't think so. I told him we need to give her a chance, and not be dismissive without getting to know her a little better. Besides, we only see her every other week, and in 6 months she graduates the program and we'll get someone else, so in reality, we will only see her about 12 more times. I am hoping she can put a new perspective on Junior's issues, and maybe help him see things in a different, and maybe better, way than Kelsey did. We'll see.

I have had one of those days today, though. The landlord called this afternoon about a car that belongs to a coworkers of Junior's that has been in our yard for the past 6 weeks. He keeps telling her to come move it, and she always has an excuse. Now the landlord said it has to go, so she needs to get it this weekend. If she doesn't, Junior said he will tow it back to where he got it from, which was a friend of her's house. Why do people have to be so difficult?

Then I get a letter in the mail...final notice...for our power bill. Seems I misread our bill, and thought we had until Monday to pay it. Turns out we had until 5pm yesterday. That's right. I got a notice today, saying the current balance was due yesterday, or they would disconnect. I got right on the phone, and tried to make payment arrangements. They wouldn't even consider it because I didn't call yesterday before 5. This was an honest mistake on my part, and now instead of the $113 that was past due, they want all $273. They wouldn't even just take the past due. So I called Junior at work to ask him what we should do, when Ryan came inside and said there was a guy behind the house walking around. Sure enough, the power company came to disconnect. I had to BEG the man to give me an hour to go pay it, and he was nice enough to do that for me. But now I don't know how I am going to cover the extra money THAT I DON'T HAVE in my account. It will be in there next Friday, but I am sure the check will hit the bank before then. It seems like every time we do something around here, everything else goes to shit. We take our first vacation in two years, and things fall apart.

BUT, I am not stressing. The worst that is going to happen is the bank pays the check, and slaps us with a $34 fee. I can live with that. I can not, however, live without power. We kinda need that to stay cool and play online :).

I am hoping the rest of today is uneventful. I have started the kids back on their bedtimes, and we are slowly getting back into our school routines. The only thing left to get are book bags, and that's something their Nana does for them every year as a "back to school" kind of thing. We're going to the last movie in the park with her this weekend, so we'll probably hit a walmart before the movie.

Anyway, I gotta run. Junior just got back, and we have a yard to straighten up. All the camping stuff is still thrown everywhere, and it needs to be put back in the shed. I may as well go help...

Just Some Rambling

Therapy was good on Thursday. We didn't meet the new therapist, which kinda sucks, because now we just have one week with both of them before Kelsey leaves the program. It was a weird hour, because we really didn't talk about anything. We did talk about the kids, which was nice. I am all about bragging about my kiddos.

I am doing better...the tooth is finally giving me a break. I can no longer put off having it pulled, and will do it once the kids get back in school and I can come up with the money. Hopefully it won't be too long, because I have a feeling the pain will be back sooner than it normally is. I have been battling with this tooth for years, and it has NEVER hurt this bad before. I am actually looking forward to it being gone.

Kasi is off with my mom for the next few days. My brother and his wife went on a cruise, and my mom is babysitting their girls. Since my mom has fibromyalsia, she needs Kasi to help her run up and down the stair, and entertain the kids. My phone rang last night, after 10, and it was Kasi. Everyone else was sleeping, and I think she was a little lonely. She was about to get upset, so I told her we would come and get her. (she's an hour away) She said she way okay, and wanted to stay, and then asked to talk to Brandi. I love that my girls are close. Brandi was bored out of her mind yesterday because she missed her sister. Kasi will be home right before we leave to go camping on Wednesday.

I have almost everything packed, except for clothes and towels. I need to do some laundry first. I am so afraid that I am going to forget something...we'll see.

I Heart Antibiotics

My mouth feels so much better today. I think the antibiotics have finally kicked in. I tried not to take the pain medicine today, but didn't last too long before I popped some pills. I think the anti-inflammatory stuff in the pain pills help, so I will take them for a few more days. I actually got some housework done, which was a nice change from laying in the bed crying.

Hopefully tomorrow I can get the rest finished before therapy. I am pretty sure we will meet our new therapist tomorrow, and that should be interesting. I hope she has a good personality.

I'll let you know!

When Life Gives You Lemons

Things can never be uneventful around here for too long.

Kasi and I were watching television earlier, and the a/c unit started making a funky noise. I woke up Junior, and he diagnosed that the fan stopped. No longer working.

I asked if he could fix it, and he said he would have to take it apart, again, tomorrow, and see what he can do. I have everything crossed that he can fix it, because we don't have the money to buy a new unit.

I guess I will spend tomorrow in the pool with the girls. Hopefully it won't rain, even though it is supposed to.

*******************************************************************

We had therapy today, and it was kind of a waste of time, therapy wise. We basically just sat around talking about whatever popped up, nothing really spectacular. Somehow we got on the subject of why I don't drive, and the rules I have for the drivers of whatever car I am in. (Missy is the only person who hasn't freaked me out with her driving...I didn't scream one time in her truck) I had Kelsey cracking up. She claims we always make her laugh, and we do do a lot of laughing in therapy. In fact, we laugh a lot everywhere we go.

I laughed and talked more in that hour than I have in the last week. After we left, Brandi and I ran into walmart, and I was at the checkout, and I got a pain in my tooth so bad it made me instantly nauseous, and I almost passed out right there. I think it was from using my mouth so much. Luckily, supper and some tylenol made me feel a little better, and my tooth is back to being just a steady achy pain.

I can not wait until it feels completely better.