She Let Herself Go

There is this country song that talks about a woman whose husband left, so she let herself go....she let herself do all the things her husband held her back from doing.  I think George Straight sings it, but I'm not sure.

I feel like that woman.

I have been doing so many new things, it's crazy.  Most of you know that I am now driving, though I can only drive with someone for now since I only have my permit.  I have always said that I was afraid to drive, but let me tell you, I am loving it!  I am good at it, too.  My friend Donna has been letting me drive everywhere...I even tackled merging onto the interstate, something I was terrified to do.

I went out, too.  My same friend's brother took us out to eat at a steakhouse (something Bob and I could never afford) and then for drinks at a bar where we listened to a band and I laughed like crazy.  Seriously, I can not remember the last time I had so much fun with adults.

I have been swimming every day at a local pool.  I go with Donna every morning once the kids get on the bus, and spend an hour or two doing laps.  We started last Wednesday, and I can already tell that I am toning up a little.  My legs are a little more flexible, and my pants are a bit loser.  I am sure it has nothing to do with the almost 20 pounds I have lost recently. :)

Oh, I have been wearing makeup, too.  This is something I haven't done the entire time I was married.  (well, I guess I am still technically married...what the hell am I supposed to call him...I'm still a little fuzzy about that) I am actually taking pride in my appearance, and people are noticing.  I like that people notice.  It makes me feel good.

The kids and I are going to continue seeing Elizabeth.  Last week, she spoke to the kids alone for the first time, and I will find out tomorrow what she thinks.  During our session last week, I asked her how much it will cost for us to come, since Bob was going through a free clinic, and I'm not covered to go alone.  She made me cry when she told me that she would see us for a long as we wanted and not charge us anything.  She said she loves us all, and is more interested in us getting better than making money.  I seriously love this woman.  I am looking forward to tomorrows session.

For this week, though, I have got to concentrate on finding a job.  Not one place that I applied to has called yet, and I have to do something.  Any ideas????

I Love This Time Of Year

It's almost Holiday time, and I love it.  I wish our weather would reflect Fall...we have been in the 80's for the past week or so.  I want the cool days, and the changing leaves....

For me, the Holiday season always starts with Ryan's birthday party.  We do it a couple of weeks early sot hat we can make it a Halloween party.  Then his actual birthday comes, then three weeks later is Thanksgiving.  A week and a half after that is Brandi's birthday, and then three weeks later we have Christmas and New Years. 

I love the time I spend with my family this time of year.  I love that all our celebrations focus around the food.  For a fat girl, this is not a good thing, but I have given myself permission to enjoy myself.  If I gain a little weight back, it will be okay.  I have learned in the last year and a half that I will fluctuate.  I know now that I can maintain a weight...I just have to get to a healthy weight to maintain.  I am extremely proud that I have kept off the 50ish pounds I lost over a year ago.

I am pretty excited about Ryan's party Friday night.  I am going to dress up a little bit, which is something I don't usually do.  Brandi and I both got the same little purple witches hat, but she is wanting to go with green face makeup, and I am going to do a little purple sparkling.  It's going to be so much fun!  I have lots of food to prepare, and even more cleaning to do.  But it will all be worth it!

We went to therapy last week, and talked through some things.  Our therapist just got her first real office, and I want to bring a little plant as an "office warming" gift next session, but I was a little worried that that might be a tad inappropriate.  I asked my mom, and she said it's not; that it would be a nice gesture.  Our therapist did her whole office black and red, so I have to find a plant that will match that.  Any suggestions?  My mom has a pot she painted that she thinks would be perfect...I just need to buy the plant.

Um...let's see...what else has been going on????  My mom's kitchen is coming along.  It is taking a lot longer to finish than we thought it would, but Junior is doing all of the work himself (with Ryan's help).  He's doing a great job...it just takes a while.  It would take less time if the stuff my mom's buys wasn't defective...Junior went to install the sink, and it was warped.  He got a new sink, went to install the faucet, and one of the clamps was broken so it leaked.  Mom got a new faucet, but the hoses he bought for the other sink didn't fit this one, so he needed new ones...if he didn't have to continually run to the store he might make some progress! lol!

I guess that's about it.  I have a lot to do before Friday, including some reviews on my other blogs, so it might be next week before I get back over here.  Or even visit the few of you who read this blog.  So, have a great week, and I'll see you all soon!!

Oh, wait, I almost forgot...I am rocking the water thing!  It's all I drink when I am home.  I bought a variety of flavor packets to put in it, so I am not bored with it.  Yet.

My Happy Place

Wow. It's been a while, and a lot has happened. If you read this blog because you know me from my other ones, this will be old news. But I'm going to share anyway :)

We moved. We didn't quite make it to March. We left the apartment in the middle of February, and I am so happy. The new place is great! It's a cute little double wide trailer, set up in a pretty upscale park. I hate the term "trailer park", because I always think rednecks and run down yards, old cars and lots of public intoxication. Where we are living, the are rules about stuff like that. In fact, there are rules about everything, and I love it. We don't have a very big yard, but the kids have lots of roads to ride their bikes on, and there are tons of kids in here, too. In fact, Brandi has already made a little friend, and they have been spending a lot of time together. This little girl wanders the park on her own, but I make Ryan or Kasi go with Brandi where ever she goes. I have also been walking a little bit, and boy is it hilly. My legs let me know real quick that I am not in the best of shape. Which means I need to be doing it a lot more.

It's a three bedroom house...yay...so I actually have my own bedroom. Of course, Brandi still sleeps with me, and probably will until she goes off to college. Because of his bi-pap machine, Junior sleeps by himself. Ryan and Kasi are happy with their rooms, which are bigger than what they had at the apartment. We have two full bathrooms, which is awesome. My bathroom has a huge garden tub with separate shower. The funny thing is, I have been looking forward to taking a bath for the past 18 months, but I have only been in the tub a couple of times. The kids are enjoying it, though.

Let's see...I am down 45 pounds. I know! Go me! I just hope that I can continue to lose. I went food shopping the other day for the month, and I bought a lot of healthy stuff. I have also started enforcing portion control, which the kids hate. Instead of second servings at supper time, I make them wait a while, and then have a healthy snack. I am hoping this will become the norm, instead of torture for them. And for me.

I guess that's enough for now. I will try to post here more often, but I say that all the time, and never follow through. So, how about I promise to not let a month and a half go by between now and then. Deal?

Four Days

I can not believe it's four days until Christmas. I am getting excited, though, because we have been able to get the kids (mostly) what they asked for. Sometimes angels come out of nowhere and provide you with what you need, and today we experienced just that. I wrote this on my other blog, about how Junior found a visa gift card in his locker for our kids from "santa". With that I was able to get Kasi the backpack purse she wanted (which cost almost $30...which we didn't have) and I also bought Ryan a new psp game. Not a used one, a new one. Tomorrow I plan on getting Brandi the Wizards movie she wants (which is $20), and then they all have at least something specific that they asked for. They have other things, too, so it's going to be a great Christmas.

Junior and I have always tried to give to others, even though we don't have much ourselves. There have been times when Junior has fixed a strangers car for nothing, or helped a friend when they really needed it. We are always feeding friends who need it, and I am more than willing to provide free childcare for my friends when they need it. I am a big believer in "you get what you give". Getting that visa card today has made me look forward to being able to do something nice for someone else. It may not be tomorrow, or next week, but once we are back on our feet after the move, I am making it my mission to "pay it forward". I feel so blessed, and I want someone else to know this feeling, too.

We are going to my sisters for Christmas, and I am looking forward to spending time with Carson and Lylah. Carson is at that age where everything about Christmas is exciting, and new, and I am looking forward to watching him open his gifts. We are going to my dads on Christmas Eve, and they will be there, too. I love that I get to spend so much time with my sister and her kids...I wish I saw my other sisters as often, too, but they live so far away. I know I am lucky that my family is so close. So many people dreading the holidays, and having to spend time with their families. Junior used to be one of those people. I am so happy he has been able to fit right in with my family, well, at least with some of them. I still get the feeling that certain members of my family aren't too fond of him, but I think that is because they have never taken the time to get to know him. Those who know him, know that he has the biggest heart, and that he would do anything for anyone. Sure, he is a little rough around the edges, but that's what I love about him.

I was also thinking of doing the "end of the year...year in review post", but to be honest, I don't want to relive this past year. It was a tough one, and should be left where it is...in the past. I don't need to be reminded of our financial issues, therapy, breakdowns, living in a crappy apartment that is falling in on us, or any of that. I just want to look forward to 2010, and make it the best year we've had in a while.

Not too much to ask, right?

Where Does The Time Go?

Tomorrow is the last morning I get to sleep in. Tuesday it is back to getting up at 5:20 am and helping the kiddos get off to school.

Where did the summer go?

In fact, where did this last year go?

It seems like only yesterday that we moved into this apartment. Heck, it seems like only yesterday that Ryan was born. It doesn't seem right that I am 37 years old, and that next year is my 2o year HS reunion. I have no intentions of going, but it's just crazy thinking that I have been out of school for so long.

When did I get so old????

On a different note, I got on the scale the other day...and was pleasantly surprised. Seems I have lost about 21 pounds in the last couple of months. I blame losing our food stamps...no money to buy food means there is no food in the house to eat. The sucky thing is that I am so heavy, people don't notice the loss. But that's okay. I tend to do better when people don't know I am losing. I am hoping I can keep this up, which shouldn't be too hard with the kids back in school. I may even break out the old Richard Simmons tapes.

We went to the movie in the park the other night, and I was kind of disappointed when we left early. It's times like that when I hate being depended on other people for transportation. Sure, the kids weren't watching the movie...they were playing frisbee. I wasn't watching either...I was too busy gossiping with Missy. I hated that they left because we left...it felt like I ruined the whole night. But, the time we were there was great! Kasi won something this time, a crock pot cook book. I was looking through it before, and there are a few recipes I would like to try. I also came home with the breakfast cookbook Missy won last time...she knew I was drooling over it, and let me have it...she has such a huge heart!...and there are tons of recipes in that one that are calling my name.

Other than that, it has been a quiet, boring weekend, which is what I enjoy.

I hope you had a good one, too.

Relaxed

Aside from kasi's little adventure, we had a wonderful camping trip. We swam, we fished, we tanned. I can not remember the last time I just did nothing. And I mean N O T H I N G! When we got up Thursday morning, it was about 9. We ran and got ice for the coolers, and were back and in the lake by 10. I spent all day swimming and floating around on my float. I cooked burgers on the grill for lunch, and hot dogs for supper. The kids ate whenever they wanted, whatever they wanted. I can not remember the last time they went so long without arguing.

I can not even begin to explain the feeling of helplessness that I felt when kasi fell into the fire pit. I didn't know what to do for her. She wanted ice, which I later found out was a bad idea. I did the only thing I could...I got her to the hospital. It's so hard knowing there is nothing you can do to make your child better. Luckily, it never really hurt...my mom told my sister she could have burned the nerves, which would block the pain. They gave her some lortab at the hospital, more for themselves, I think. They kept telling her it was okay if she said it hurt, because it SHOULD hurt. That was the first time she has ever taken a pain pill like that, and she was quite loopy. It did help her sleep, which is what she needed. I thank God that she didn't burn her face, because that's how she fell...face first. She put out her arm to protect her face. It was also luck that she didn't fall into the flame. That would have been really bad.

We call Kasi klutz, because she is always falling and stuff. This was typical Kasi, falling like she did. Earlier in the day, when they were at the park, she fell chin first into the ground, and skinned her chin and both knees. It's amazing that she has yet to break a bone.

Friday, I felt so bad for her. I was ready to come home so she would be more comfortable. She insisted that we stay. She couldn't get wet, but she put her feet in the water and fished.

Anyway, I remembered what it felt like to have no worries. For four days, I didn't worry about the bills. I didn't worry about how many comments I was getting on my blog. I didn't stress over the fact that I fell off the front page of entrecard because I didn't drop for four days. I wasn't checking the computer every thee minutes for open opps.

I enjoyed my family. They are the four most important people in my life, and it felt wonderful to give them all of my attention. Kasi and I played cards, Brandi and I found critters (I have pictures of her snail and turtle and frog) and Ryan and I swam the lake.

I can not wait to go back next year.

Just Some Rambling

Therapy was good on Thursday. We didn't meet the new therapist, which kinda sucks, because now we just have one week with both of them before Kelsey leaves the program. It was a weird hour, because we really didn't talk about anything. We did talk about the kids, which was nice. I am all about bragging about my kiddos.

I am doing better...the tooth is finally giving me a break. I can no longer put off having it pulled, and will do it once the kids get back in school and I can come up with the money. Hopefully it won't be too long, because I have a feeling the pain will be back sooner than it normally is. I have been battling with this tooth for years, and it has NEVER hurt this bad before. I am actually looking forward to it being gone.

Kasi is off with my mom for the next few days. My brother and his wife went on a cruise, and my mom is babysitting their girls. Since my mom has fibromyalsia, she needs Kasi to help her run up and down the stair, and entertain the kids. My phone rang last night, after 10, and it was Kasi. Everyone else was sleeping, and I think she was a little lonely. She was about to get upset, so I told her we would come and get her. (she's an hour away) She said she way okay, and wanted to stay, and then asked to talk to Brandi. I love that my girls are close. Brandi was bored out of her mind yesterday because she missed her sister. Kasi will be home right before we leave to go camping on Wednesday.

I have almost everything packed, except for clothes and towels. I need to do some laundry first. I am so afraid that I am going to forget something...we'll see.