Thursday, December 30, 2010

I Usually Rock The Obligatory End Of The Year Post...

...but this year, it's just not in me.  To be honest, not much noteworthy has happened this year.  (I say that now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring)  The kids are one year older.  Junior is another year older.  I am still the same age. :)
I am happy to announce that a week after Christmas, I can say that I have kept my weight off all year.  I am carrying a few pounds from the holidays, but nothing I am going to stress over.  I have been doing the wii fit, which I love, and I plan on continuing with that.  I don't want to say I am making a resolution, but this year, I would like to lose another 50 pounds.  That would bring my total to 100 pounds lost.  I am not going to stress over it, but I am going to try and eat healthier.  And play the wii.

I think those of you who actually read this blog know that my husband's father is dying.  From what we have heard, he only has days left.  Junior is upset, of course.  As much as he distanced himself from the man over the last few years, he is still his father.  I am glad that we are still in therapy, and that Junior has someone to talk to about this.  I would have loved for him to have made amends with the man, but that was not to be.  I hope that this new year will bring peace to my husband.  He deserves it.

Life will go on...I can't believe I will be, ahem, 39 in February.  I know, it's hard to believe.  And that means that the year after that, I am going to can't even type it!  I am not that old!

So, I am going to thank God for my little family.  For my parents and siblings, and their families.  For the fact that my family is close, and that we can always count on each other. 

As I say goodbye to 2010, I am looking forward to 2011.  I hope it is a year full of happiness and love, in my home as well as yours.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Today, My Daughter Told Me I Neglet Her....Yeah, Right!

Tonight, Brandi told me that I am neglecting her.  I find this quite amusing, actually.  You see, every night for the past few weeks, the kids and I have played a game of Clue.  I have been baking cookies with them, watching movies with them, and pretty much just hanging out with them.

Have I been busy?  Yes, I have.  Between dropping ecards, writing paid posts, networking and writing reviews, I have been swamped.  I have been staying up late, then sleeping in after the kids get back on the bus.  The only problem with this is that I have to "work" when the kids do homework, and in the evenings, and Brandi doesn't like it.  So, for the next two weeks while the kids are out of school, I am going to have to try and find a way to balance the time I work and the time I spend with the kids.

Junior is off for vacation the week between Christmas and new years, so not only will I have the kids home, he will be home too.  I am hoping we can spend some family time together...he kids want to head up to the mountains one day, and I'm really hoping we will have the money to do that.

So, if you don't hear from me (on this blog) until the new year, I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season.

Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 6, 2010

I'm Coming Out Of My Shell

If you have been reading my blogs for any length of time, you know that I am an extremely shy, would rather stay in my house 24 hours a day and never deal with people type of person.  I always thought it was because of my weight, but I recently discovered that it had more to do with my boobs.  Sure, my weight and my boobs kind of go together...they were so big because I was so big. 

Let's go back for a moment.  Growing up, I was always the bigger sister.  I have a sister who is 14 months older than me, so I was always half a step behind her growing up.  She was thin and popular; I was not.  I could go on and on about things that were unfair (the biggest to me was that she got her own room, and I had to share with my two younger sisters who were 6 and 8 years younger than me...and I was 15 at the time) but I won't.  My point is that she got all the boyfriends, and she made sure that I didn't.  If I showed even the slightest interest in a guy, she would make sure he liked her, not me.  I think always being "second" fucked with my self esteem a little.  Okay, a lot. 

Anyway, I was wearing a "C" cup by the time I was in 8th grade, and the boys noticed.  They would make fun of me all the time.  I remember going through a phase where I didn't care how I looked...I didn't want any attention at all.  I wanted to blend in.  I wanted to not be noticed.  I got pretty good at being the wall flower.  Looking back, I think there might have been times when I was really depressed.  I remember one summer I did nothing but sit in my room and read.  Book after book. 

I didn't kiss a boy until I was 17, I think.  I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 18.  In fact, I can count on one hand the number of guys I have gone all the way with.  I was almost 19 my first time.  God, I loved that guy.  It took a while for me to believe that he loved me, because I spend so many years thinking I was not attractive enough, or pretty enough, to be loved by someone.  Can you say issues????

I think I am getting a little off track.  The point of this post is that last night, I didn't have my guard up. I was relaxed, and I had fun.  I participated in conversations, and let people in.  I ate (which I hate to do in front of people...I always think they are judging me) and laughed, and enjoyed spending time with my husband.  Now that I think about it, this is the first time we have gotten rid of the kids and done something for ourselves, just for fun.  We never have extra money, so we usually just hang out at home, which is fine with me.  But it was nice to get out and have fun.  I didn't let my weight hinder me.  I'm not sure if I would have felt the same way before my breast reduction.  I really do think that having that done was the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Ugggg...I ended up rambling.  Sorry.  Sometimes my fingers end up with a mind of their own.  Not sure if I made a point at all, but oh well.  At least you got a glimpse into my weird little head. 

Scary, right????

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Peace. It's A Wonderful Feeling

For the first time in I can not tell you how long, my husband has been able to let his guard down at work.  We recently found out that his dad is now living in a nursing home about an hour away, so there is no possibility of him popping up in the store anymore making Junior's life miserable. 

My mom has halted all construction in her kitchen (which is almost done anyway) until after Christmas, so we have our weekends back.  Of course, we have two Saturday's of baking scheduled, and this weekend is Brandi's birthday, so we still have things going on.  BUT, they are things that don't involve too much manual labor for my husband, so that makes him happy.

I guess that's about it.  Things are quiet around here.  We like it that way.