Friendship

I have been toying with writing this post for the past week or so.  I am not sure where I want to go with it, or even if what I am going to say is going to be post-worthy.  But, I need to sort things out, and this is usually the best place to do it.

Nine years ago, Junior and I lived in a trailer park.  It was a small park, with only ten homes.  Five on each side of the street.  It was a quiet place to live, and we were happy there.  The only problem was that it was a 2 bedroom, which was fine when Kasi and Ryan were that little.  But, once I got pregnant with Brandi, I knew we wouldn't stay there much longer.  Anyway, we had this neighbor.  She was a single woman, about ten years older than me.  We lived there for a while before we actually "met" her, but it wasn't until Brandi as born that her and I became friends.  We actually became very good friends.  She was always at my house, from morning until night.  She even came to family events with me, and my family got to know her well.  She didn't really work (she was trying to get on disability, so she held part time jobs...but never the same one for too long) so she had a series of boyfriends who paid her bills and gave her money.  Luckily, she owned her home, so her bills were minimal.  When ever she did get extra money, she always spent it on my kids. She especially treated Brandi like one of her own.

As time went on, I got to know her more and more, and I realized that there were things about her that I wasn't too fond of.  For instance, she was a compulsive liar.  I mean, it got to the point where I would know she was lying, but she would do it anyway.  I caught her in several lies, but instead of confronting her, I just let it go.  Then one day, about five years ago, she went a little insane and ended up in the psych ward for three days.  This just so happened to have occurred during a week that my sister was visiting from NY.  Well, She called me from the hospital, and said that she needed me to go to the hospital and sign her out, and take responsibility for her.  There were several reasons why I didn't do it.  For one, my sister hardly ever visits, and I wasn't about to change my plans with her.  Selfish?  Maybe. The second and more important reason...there was no way that I wanted to be responsible for her.  She has a grown (and married) daughter who refused to do it, so why should it fall on me?

After that, she didn't come around or call for a few weeks.  I knew she was probably ticked, but oh well.  Eventually, things got back to normal, and she was at my house all the time again. By this point, we had moved to a new house, and we weren't neighbors anymore.  I was getting tired of catching her in lies, and I was finally beginning to realize that she may not be someone I want to be friends with.  My sisters called her toxic, and I started to agree.  there are a lot of other things that happened, but you get the gist of it.  So eventually, I stopped taking her calls.  When she came by the house, Junior would tell her I was out with my sister or my mom.  After a few weeks, I think she got the message, because she stopped calling.

So, a few weeks ago, she went into where my brother in law works, and started asking about me.  At this point, it's been about four years or more since I have seen her.  he didn't want to give out my number, so he took her number to give to me.  He told me about it, and I wasn't too excited, or eager, to call her, so I didn't even take the number from him.

Well, last Monday, the park manager stopped Junior as he was coming in from work to tell him that some lady was looking for us.  It was her.  I couldn't believe it!  Apparently, my brother-in-law had told her the general area where we lived, and she drove around until she found us.  (I found out later that she stopped and talked to anyone she could find in their yards, asking them if they knew us!) Now that she knew where we lived, I felt it was best to just call her so she would stop coming around.

Now, this chick can talk.  I am talking about the type of person who will cut you off mid-sentence to talk about themselves.  So, I called her.  And she talked.  And talked.  And talked.  For about an hour and a half.  Not once did she ask how I have been...she just talked about herself.  I agreed to have her come by and see the kids, because she did love them like her own, and she wanted to see them.  Well, when she came over, she acted like the past four+ years never happened.  She bought my kids some school clothes, and has been here almost every day since then.  Yesterday, she called and asked if she could take me to lunch.  Actually, she called and said she was coming to get me, so I better be ready.  She treated us to a nice lunch, and I kind of enjoyed myself.  It's been a long time since I have been "out" without the kids or Junior.

Here is my dilemma.  I am still not sure I want to get too involved with her.  I don't know if I can believe anything she says, but I know she has a heart of gold and doesn't mean any harm...it's just how she is.  Listening to her talk this past week, it's apparent that she has no other friends.  She never did.  She has boyfriends, but no close girlfriends.  I don't know if I am feeling bad for her, or if I really want to be her friend again.  Does that make sense?

Does any of this make sense?  I know I've rambled, and I hope what I am trying to say has come through.  I guess my question to you is, have you ever (or do you now) had a needy friend, and if so, how did (or do you) keep your distance without hurting their feelings?