Monday, August 23, 2010

Perfect? Nah, Not Even Close.

I have been meaning to write this post since last Tuesday, but I seem to have my head screwed on backwards these days.  The kids are back in school, and we are slowly getting back into our routine.  I spent the summer not cooking, and have had to get back into the habit of cooking every night.  I am trying to cook well balanced meals, and it's been hard some nights.  I mean, there are nights it is just easier to open a jar of sauce and have pasta for supper with garlic bread.  Pure carbs, I know, but sometimes, it's the easiest thing.

I don't want to write about my cooking, though.  You all know I have another blog for that :).  I want to tell you about something we talked abut in therapy last week.  Some of you know that Junior had a bad weekend a few weeks ago.  He is stressed, and I have been thinking for a while now that he might be depressed again.  So, we started up his meds again, and he seems to be doing better.  (I know some of you don't believe in meds, but for us, there is no other choice...I can't and won't go into specifics here)  We ended up going to our family doctor, who I love.  He was our doctor back when we had insurance, and he has been the kids doctor forever.  In fact, he was the one who told me I was pregnant with Brandi.  Anyway, we went and spoke with him for a good while, and Junior seems to be back on track.

When we were in therapy last week, we were talking about how Junior was doing, and one of our therapists, Myra, asked why I decided to stand by Junior and be so supportive.  That question kind of shocked me, and I told her so.  She asked why, and I told her that it never even entered my mind not to be supportive.  I mean, he is my husband.  It's what I'm supposed to do.  I did point out that by the end of the weekend, I was ready to bitch slap him and tell him to suck it up, but that was when he was kind of feeling better.

So my question to you is this...if you are married, would you walk away from your spouse if they were going through a difficult period?  If so, how much is enough?

Elizabeth, our main therapist, actually said that Junior and I have a "real" marriage, and we should be role models for other married couples.  She said we don't have the preconceived notion that life is going to be a big romance story.  We have love.  Real love.  Comfortable love. Simple as that.  We have been through so much together.  Stuff that would have probably resulted in divorce in many other couples.  (I am not talking about cheating or anything like that...just family drama and money issues and depression and all the normal everyday crap) 

I am in no way bragging here, and I was pretty embarrassed when she was saying all of this, but when I thought about it later, I think she kind of had a point.  My marriage is in no way perfect, but we don't expect it to be.  But, when one of us is down, after the other makes fun for a moment, there is a lot of lifting up going on.  I know, without a doubt, that Junior would do anything for me.  I know this.  He has proven it time and time again.

It was my time to be there for him, and I am happy to say that I was.


Jeannette said...

What a wonderful thing to have. I am so happy for you. I think DH and I will have that too. Our counselor has said for a while now that we don't need couples counseling anymore. He gave us a couple tools and we're really doing fine. He's focusing on my depression now. I'm starting EMDR on Thursday.

Donna said...

Lolol...bitchslap him...GirlChild how funny...
Sometimes you Really DO need to just say, Suck it Up Bud! No one has a perfect marriage either...No One. Larry & I are going on 38yrs this Sept...What a Ride!Hahaaaa

It's not that you're a good Wife, which I know you are....You are a Great human being! And That, says it all!

jenn said...

Jeannette ~ we don't go to couples counseling...Junior goes to therapy to deal with his dad (and family) issues, and I just tag along for support. I'm glad you and you hubs have the same type of relationship, and from reading your blog, I can see that you do, too.

What is EMDR?

jenn said...

Miss Donna ~ Aw, you know I love you! lol!

Dawn said...

I agree with Donna, BITCH slap, her !! You know how I feel about this whole saga!! You should support your hubby when he is down. We have the same kind of marriage you have, except we don't have children.

Family drama ~ check. Money issues ~ check. Depression ~ check.

Jenera said...

As odd as it may have sounded for her to ask that, if you think about how many couples just walk away when the going gets rough. These days, less couples stick through the hard times.

That said, it would take a lot for me to walk away. Mainly because my husband has really put up with some of my crazy for awhile. The only thing that I would have a hard time is if he turned back to drugs and didn't get help because he's been clean since we met.

But I agree that finding couples who realize life ain't easy is hard to do. We have knock down drag outs (figuratively, not literally) but it's needed to air out issues.

jenn said...

Dawn ~ I think we all have the same issues...the key is how we deal with them :)

jenn said...

Jenera ~ I agree...we need the "airing" every once in a while, thought we've never had a full blown drag out fight. We argue, and most of the time, decided that whatever it is that caused the argument isn't worth the energy needed to fight about it. Did that make sense?

Crystal said...

Girl I stayed with my first husband thru LOTS of drama and stuff. Stuck by him thru everything and the only reason I left was the cheating. With Tim? I'll hog tie his ass to the front truck bumper and haul his but where ever I go, LOLOL!! Life's not easy and neither is marriage. U love someone enough, u'll stick with them thru whatever storm u come to. Everyone has their limits though and it's different for everyone. U know mine;)

jenn said...

Crystal ~ I know we have discussed this in the past, but cheating would be my limit too. I am a firm believer in "once a cheater, always a cheater". If you let a guy get away with it once, he will do it again. Most everything else is forgivable, at least in my book. Well, I wouldn't stand for drinking or drugs, either. Maybe I do have a long's a good thing Junior knows to stay in line! lol!