Friday, June 11, 2010

I Don't Usually Post Pictures On Here, But...

here's a shot of the kids and I in mom's pool.  We are all watching Ryan jump in...or should I say "belly flop" in.  My nephew Carson loves when he does that.

I don't want this blog to be about my kids...this is my space.  I just wanted to show you that I am enjoying myself this summer.  Tomorrow we are having a cookout at mom's again, with my sisters mother-in-law.  Today, my mom made it a point to tell me she would be there,  Um, okay.  I asked if she wanted me to not wear my bathing suit in front of her, and she said that's not what she meant.  She just wanted to make sure that I knew that she was going to be there.  I don't think she understands that I have had a sort of epiphany lately...I am fat.  I know this.  I am trying to lose weight, but it's hard.  In the meantime, I refuse to let another summer go by without enjoying myself.  People can tell I am fat whether I have on my bathing suit of shorts and a tshirt.  I decided that this year, I am going to wear a bathing suit, and I don't care what anyone else thinks.  I have spent the past 38 years of my life watching from the sidelines, worried about what people think of me.  For some reason, this year, I say fuck it.  Let people laugh at me.  Let people judge me.  I don't care.

And I have really, never been happier.

6 comments:

Donna said...

Way to Go Girl!! It's ALL about Fun! Go have some More!
Hughugs
PS- And I Love when you post photos!

jenn said...

Thanks Miss Donna! I am having a ball!

Crystal said...

ALL about baby steps and ur doing JUST FINE!!!!

jenn said...

Thanks Crystal!

cathyjoy said...

glad to see you're havin fun! i bought a new swimsuit this year for the first time in about 8 years - what a p.i.t.a.that is...and then you have to wear it. i totally know what you're goin through tryin to lose weight. just read a great book called when food is love and it really opened my eyes to some "stuff". found you in my followers list and now i'm stalkin you! talk to you soon!

jenn said...

cathyjoy ~ I'll have to find that book...I love to read and it sounds interesting. I struggle so much, but finally decided that it was okay to just be who I am, even if I am a work in progress :)